I can see the end of the world tomorrow playing out in two basic scenarios, with varying affects on the state of the economy.
Option One: Boring Outcome.
The end of the world may just not happen (incidentally, it wasn't even predicted to be tomorrow by the Mayans, but was actually a mistake in the interpretation of the Mayan calendar according to most experts, and Mayans for that matter). So what effect, if any, will this have on society? Oddly, it could be positive. If you ascribe to a consumer driven economy (even if you don't think it's the engine of the US economy, it still accounts for 70% of the GDP) then this will be easy to imagine. Firstly, college students across the nation will be reaching into their parent's bank accounts to throw end of the world parties, which are renown for their badassitude (not a swearword because of the ending) and, more relevantly, their tendency to buy overpriced alcohol. I'm assuming this short term spending burst will not affect holiday spending habits largely based on the spontaneity of such parties, and the fact that high-end holiday gifts are likely already purchased, leaving only cheap, last minute gifts to be affected by the parties. Secondly, and more importantly, the fact that the world did not end will boost consumer and (more importantly) investor confidence, thus throwing the economy into an upswing. However, there is a possibility that investment analysts all across the globe will examine their pathetic, empty, meaningless lives and decide to go do something with them. This will likely be known as the existentialist crisis, and will result in a spike of philosophy, humanities, and art history majors...thereby effectively delaying the end of the world by several years.
Option Two: The Outcome Where I Kill Zombies.
It's all gone. After years of living off the fat of the land, humankind has finally been brought to its knees. Nuclear zombies now wander the streets of every major city of the globe--terrorizing those who were lucky enough to escape the horrors of 21.12.12. I have managed to survive so far by laying low for the most part, and making short, mad-dashes out into the world to scavenge for food. My dashingly good looks and mad wit are all that have kept me going (the dashingly good looks are more of a moral support). I'm in a dank corner of a darkened room, staring across at the other survivors. Though they are not yet nuclear zombies, they may as well be. Hunger, thirst, and the maddening howl of those that walk the streets have driven the once youthful looks of these sad Russians to the haggard state I see before me. Food becomes more scarce as the days drag on, and as I stare at my companions, an appallingly gruesome thought dashes through my mind...I've always liked "Russian" food...
The overall effect on the US economy is that we'll probably experience a slight recession. Given the timing, this couldn't be worse; with Europe in trouble, and the looming fiscal cliff, a zombie apocalypse really just puts the nail in the coffin...so to speak. In the short run, I'm imagining a bank run of sorts, followed by government spending increases (really tough to pay off since the amount of tax dollars will decrease as zombies tend to dodge taxes).
This outcome is really our own fault. Our leaders have been warning us of these dangers for years.
The end of the world may just not happen (incidentally, it wasn't even predicted to be tomorrow by the Mayans, but was actually a mistake in the interpretation of the Mayan calendar according to most experts, and Mayans for that matter). So what effect, if any, will this have on society? Oddly, it could be positive. If you ascribe to a consumer driven economy (even if you don't think it's the engine of the US economy, it still accounts for 70% of the GDP) then this will be easy to imagine. Firstly, college students across the nation will be reaching into their parent's bank accounts to throw end of the world parties, which are renown for their badassitude (not a swearword because of the ending) and, more relevantly, their tendency to buy overpriced alcohol. I'm assuming this short term spending burst will not affect holiday spending habits largely based on the spontaneity of such parties, and the fact that high-end holiday gifts are likely already purchased, leaving only cheap, last minute gifts to be affected by the parties. Secondly, and more importantly, the fact that the world did not end will boost consumer and (more importantly) investor confidence, thus throwing the economy into an upswing. However, there is a possibility that investment analysts all across the globe will examine their pathetic, empty, meaningless lives and decide to go do something with them. This will likely be known as the existentialist crisis, and will result in a spike of philosophy, humanities, and art history majors...thereby effectively delaying the end of the world by several years.
Option Two: The Outcome Where I Kill Zombies.
It's all gone. After years of living off the fat of the land, humankind has finally been brought to its knees. Nuclear zombies now wander the streets of every major city of the globe--terrorizing those who were lucky enough to escape the horrors of 21.12.12. I have managed to survive so far by laying low for the most part, and making short, mad-dashes out into the world to scavenge for food. My dashingly good looks and mad wit are all that have kept me going (the dashingly good looks are more of a moral support). I'm in a dank corner of a darkened room, staring across at the other survivors. Though they are not yet nuclear zombies, they may as well be. Hunger, thirst, and the maddening howl of those that walk the streets have driven the once youthful looks of these sad Russians to the haggard state I see before me. Food becomes more scarce as the days drag on, and as I stare at my companions, an appallingly gruesome thought dashes through my mind...I've always liked "Russian" food...
The overall effect on the US economy is that we'll probably experience a slight recession. Given the timing, this couldn't be worse; with Europe in trouble, and the looming fiscal cliff, a zombie apocalypse really just puts the nail in the coffin...so to speak. In the short run, I'm imagining a bank run of sorts, followed by government spending increases (really tough to pay off since the amount of tax dollars will decrease as zombies tend to dodge taxes).
This outcome is really our own fault. Our leaders have been warning us of these dangers for years.
Rule #2: Doubletap.
ReplyDeleteYou're pretty much the entire target audience for the "I like 'Russian' food" joke. Although everyone should think it's funny, not everyone will.
DeleteI know this isn't an official rule in Zombieland, but always find Bill Murray's house.
ReplyDelete