Saturday, March 23, 2013

The Less-Than-Perfect Approach to Curing Headaches

There are several sounds that just send a chill down my spine and draw out every bit of hatred stored up inside my very being-my alarm happens to be one of those sounds. This morning's alarm elicited a bit more hatred than usual, waking up with a headache helps you reach down inside and learn more about what you're capable of. In this case, I was much more capable of hating than I ever dreamed possible.

It seems that everyone has their own cure for the headache, whether it's massaging some mystical pressure point, hair of the dog solution (fun fact, there's a verb in Russian for that: опохмелиться), or simply taking an advil. Those might work for you, but I took a different approach...fill that throbbing head with as much as possible; econometrics, museum, and opera marathon to be specific. Let's not talk about econometrics now though, I think everyone can agree on that. I think if we just pretend like we talked about it we'll all leave happier.

So yeah, after that I went to the Tretyakov Gallery to soak in that oh-so-Russian bit of culture. Last year around this time I visited this gallery, and one painting called the Thaw really spoke to me. It is sort of a grim, dirty, in your face look at the change from winter to spring here, and I wasn't super positive about things at the time I guess.


Well, this year on my return I walked into the display room for the Thaw, and to my surprise the painting has since become silent. I still remember why it made sense, but that's part of the mystery and beauty of great art I guess. It can speak to you at different times, or remain silent. This time around I really loved the painting Странник (The Pilgrim) by Perov. You can read into that as much or as little as you want.

When I saw the painting of Tolstoy I got a little giddy. It was then that I realized that I'm a bit of a nerd, and not in a good way. Still, I had to get a picture with the old guy.


See how those eyes just pierce your very soul, begging you to question everything you think you know about life, love, and god? Tolstoy's eyes are pretty striking too.

Next on the agenda was the marathon opera-Strauss' Der Rosenkavelier. It was a 4 hour presentation, and we opted for the student seats, which are extremely uncomfortable. In fact...


...they were so uncomfortable the ticket itself says неудобное место (inconvenient seat) right on it, just so you don't get any false hopes. My brief, and humble opinion of the opera is such: rough at first with the singers really struggling, but really picked up to an incredible, albeit very strange third act. By this time, my head was not alone in bodyparts that were suffering; my back, legs, and neck were burning, but I sojourned as a soldier of culture! Also, my friends peer pressured me into staying. My pain was not unrewarded though, because the finale of the opera was magnificent, and I came home with the sweet taste of opera in my mouth (actually, it was the sweet taste of mickey d's, cause I had it my way home, MC World!).

Note: any reference to enjoying McDonalds is purely satirical, and should not be taken seriously.
Note 2: Late night fast food could very well be the cause of headaches like this.

Monday, March 11, 2013

'(Russia) is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an inigma' -Winston Churchill

I may have said this before, but one of my professors here has lived all over the world, and when people ask him why he came back to live in Moscow he just says that it's because it's a funny place. Just when I think I start to understand this city, it throws me some curveballs. Today I had the absolutely most banal errands to run, but they ended up being one tiny surprise after another...

The first surprise was when I woke up and it was sunny (it's been such a long winter). Then nothing happened for a while...but then I randomly ran into my friend Olya in a totally random corner of Moscow. It's crazy, but we run into each other all the time, and it would creep me out if it wasn't such a pleasant surprise. In a city of 15 million people, we see each other all over the place.

Next I went to the post-office, saw the line of 5 people and was overjoyed, a Russian post-office that's not overcrowded? A miracle. After 45 minutes of waiting though, the line didn't move at all. Just when I was about to abandon hope, it turned out everyone else was in the wrong line except me. Do you realize what that means?! I, an American, finally figured out the bureaucracy better than even the Russians! Plus, the normally frightening middle-aged woman at the counter was super nice. 

Finally I went to the store to pick up some dinner and found some odd products. 

For some reason there are a bunch of Ice Age products in Russia - what does Ice Age have to do with chips? I think Russians just really identify with the characters in the movie, apparently particularly the rabid squirrel.
My friend Yulia tricked me into getting this one. She promised it was just a health bar for kids. It looked innocent enough, sort of chocolatey. After I tried it she mentioned that it's made out of blood! How creepy is that? Especially with the scary child on the wrapper...cheeks are not naturally that rosy. I really feel like there are just so many jokes for this one...please just take a moment to think about them, and let your imagination take you there.

Friday, March 8, 2013

'All I want in life is a lowrider and a good woman' -anonymous schoolmate, 1996

Today is Women's day, and you know what that means - that's right, tons of women drunk on love...and alcohol, mostly alcohol. Make no mistake, this is a big deal here. Yesterday the stores were packed with men frantically looking for some token to show their special lady just how much she means to him. 

Needless to say, the chocolate isle at the store was completely barren. This poor fellow's left with the mere scraps of the metaphorical, chocolate carcass... already picked clean. Moscow's a wild city folks.



I did a little research to understand just how passionate Russians are about women, and it turns out that on the whole, women in Russia are worth about 7 billion dollars in gifts today. That number is likely to go down significantly tomorrow, but today Russian women are king...or rather, queen.

Here's a little something for all the women out there. Happy March 8th!